Day 4.5: Funkytown and Big Feet

Cruz del Sur likes to do this thing where they try to entertain you. Of course, on a bus, there are only a few screens, and so someone has to decide what will entertain you. As we boarded the bus, jazz music spiced with Andean flutes was playing, and it was kind of nice. Our bags had been checked before we boarded, and we got wanded, which was quite fun.

We had boarded at the earlier station, so we had to go through tight Lima streets to get to the second stop. I thought the bus was going to crash a few times. We were sitting on the second level, very close to the huge window at the front. The seats were fairly comfortable, somewhat small. There appeared to be no one sitting in front or next to us, so Carrie planned on moving in a bit. We got a few pictures of the traffic, which you have to see to understand if you´re used to the U.S.

The playlist that was playing was on the tv screen for all to see, so we became concerned when we saw a strange list of music from The Cure, Michael Jackson, and Galaxy. It would be an odd mix, we thought. However, by the time we were to hear Billie Jean, it was time for a short video about putting on seat belts and not being allowed to poo in the bus toilet. For 15 hours. It was a little surprising, but I suppose it should not have been.

Next, they played a short promotional video for Cruz del Sur, starring an attractive, light-skinned Peruvian woman traveling around the country, commenting on the puncutality of Cruz del Sur buses. There was an entire scene of her doing a photo shoot with ample cleavage. Odd.

Then a full-length movie. Undisputed 2, dubbed, is no doubt a great choice for a bus with children and the elderly. The movie was loud and it appeared impossible to opt out. We were served a dinner of meatloaf, rice, a pastry, and some type of flan dessert. It was meh.

Carrie moved to the seat in front of me and was able to lean the chair all the way back. She whispered back to me that she felt her IQ dropping. Surprise surprise, there was another movie. (I had asked the attendant in the back of the second floor if there would be movies the whole time and he simply smiled and asked my name. Very unhelpful.) This time, it was My Boss´s Daughter, with Ashton Kutcher and Tara Reid. My ears cried (it was in English and more difficult to ignore) and my brain bled. Couldn´t sleep through it either.

Finally, the movie ended, the credits played all the way through and the TV turned off. The lights turned off. It was almost midnight, much past our usual bedtime. We promptly fell asleep, and I made the mistake of taking off my shoes and stinking up my personal seating area. Fun.

We were driving toward the sun when I woke up, and it was rising over the water. Gorgeous. Of course, I thought it was sand for lack of glasses. Still pretty. Had no idea where we were or how much longer the ride would be--projected, 15 hours, so 5pm to 8am, right?. I discovered that in taking off my shoes in the night, my feet had swelled to enormous proportions. I couldn´t put on my shoes, and had to borrow Carrie´s flip flops. Yes, I have pictures.

Eventually, everyone else woke up, as did the attendant, who immediately started another movie, a tv show this time. Goofy cartoon shorts. Yes, Goofy. A video of them complete with children from many countries saying how much they love Goofy. What? They too, were dubbed, which was kind of bizarre.

We got breakfast, which was just a croissant thingie with butter and a piece of weird cheese. I ate two, Carrie only had the bread we had brought. We started watching impatiently out the window at all the tiny towns we were passing, none of which were Arequipa. The coast disappeared and we started seeing mostly desert, which was less interesting. Then the music returned. And the person controlling it decided to begin where he had left off. All the songs we had recognized were bad smooth jazz covers of everything from Bob Marley to disco. Yes. They played a smooth jazz cover of Funkytown. I cannot emphasize enough how horrible this experience was. I tried to drown it out with rock music on my ipod, but the jazz techno was too penetrating.

When the bus finally stopped in Arequipa (a little before noon--it took 18 hours), we hauled ass off the damn thing and quickly hopped a taxi to the hostel.